Growing up.

Today, I just realized that I am twenty-one. I knew that I could buy drinks legally and get into bars after 10pm. I've known that I was twenty-one, it was an age that I wanted to get to since I turned fifteen. That's not what I mean.

I walked into work tonight and when I walked to the hostess stand, there was a conversation going on that I walked into the middle of. It was between my assistant manager and another hostess. From what I heard it was about what I assumed to be her boyfriend. He walked another girl home from a bar but told his girlfriend (the hostess) that nothing happened. Later, he admitted that he had done more with her and had cheated on her.

Throughout the night, we got to talking about this guy and what happened. I asked how long they had been dating and she replied "Four months." Now, to me, that's nothing. I've been in two, two year relationships and at four months, you're just starting but that doesn't negate the feeling of betrayal and doesn't mean that she wasn't hurt by what happened. Since she mentioned a bar I thought that she was my age and she looked the part but found out that she is only seventeen.

Hearing that, I offered her words of advice and told her about the breakup I had when I was seventeen. "I dealt with a similiar situation that you went through and we ended up breaking up as well, we were together almost two years. I promise that if I can get through it, you can." She continued talking to me about relationships she had been in in her earlier years of high school. We got to talking about moving on and I explained that I have been in another two year relationship since the one I was in in highschool.

Now, thinking about it is crazy. I've spent four years of my life in a relationship. Majority of high school and college have been spent dedicated to two people. I'm not saying that I at all regret that because I don't. I fell in love with both of them but both of those relationships are over and I'm still only twenty-one and here I am, telling a seventeen year old to keep fighting for love. It feels like yesterday that I was seventeen, getting advice from older people and not believing a word they said.

I don't know if she took anything I said to heart or if she's going to listen at all to what I said but it was the first time that I really felt older. I'm not a kid anymore with silly crushes and I don't have a new boyfriend every week. I'm getting older and finding out what I want in someone. I don't look at every guy and think "Damn, he's hot." I don't want someone to just kiss on and hang out with. I want something real and comparing that to my seventeen year old self, it's very different.

I remember how I was four years ago, hell, even a year ago, I was so dependent on a guy. If I didn't have a guy in my life, I was going crazy and never stayed single long. Now, I don't want a guy doing everything for me. I don't need someone to talk to me all day long. I want to be left alone sometimes and I want to be independent. I'm not saying that every seventeen year old is like that because I know they're not but noticing the change in myself today was, well, it was great and it felt good.